


the hours we are separate

by cavaleira



Series: Each Little Thread [1]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 17:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavaleira/pseuds/cavaleira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which proposals are made, a visitor is received, and bridges begin to be mended.</p><p>This is part of "Each Little Thread", a loose series of stories set in the same universe as my fic "Take the Long Way Home": http://archiveofourown.org/works/470291/chapters/813349</p>
            </blockquote>





	the hours we are separate

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set about 10 years after the December chapter of "Take the Long Way Home."

_Tuscany, Italy_

  


"We can't."

"And why not?" Thor asks earnestly. He places his hands on Loki's shoulders and Loki can't help but feel as comforted by their weight as he always does even though he's less than pleased with Thor right now. Loki glares at him and attempts to shrug Thor's hands from his shoulders, but Thor will not be moved.

Loki lets out a sigh that's bordering on a growl. "Because it's pointless," he says. "How many times have we had this conversation and how many times have I told you the same thing?"

"And we will continue to have it until you give me a true reason for your reluctance." The set of Thor's jaw is firm and his eyes are filled with determination.

"And what is this then? You mean to coax me as if I'm some feral animal?" Loki says sharply, although sometimes when his mind goes to dark places that even scare himself, he feels like one.

"Oh Loki," Thor says, sighing as he shakes his head. Loki rolls his eyes and this time when he tries to pull away, Thor lets him. Loki walks across the kitchen until he crosses his arms and leans back against the kitchen island. He's a few feet away from Thor now, at what he likes to think of as "perfect glaring distance". When they stand too close, Loki can feel Thor's body heat and the power of his sheer physical presence, which makes it rather easy to get distracted and move on to other activities. But from this far away, Loki is able to project the optimal amount of disdain.

It's been nearly seven years since they moved in together and they've definitely had their ups and downs. But although Loki is loathe to say it out loud, he wouldn't trade this life for anything. Living with Thor isn't easy. He's incredibly messy, he hogs the covers, and in the shower he likes to sing stupid pop songs that he learned from Jane's little friend Darcy. But there are good things too. Thor has actually learned to be a pretty good chef, and he cooks for Loki often, even learning how to make some of the treats and delicacies that Loki misses from Asgard. He scours the globe for ingredients for Loki's spells without complaint. He believes in Loki and defends him against those who are wary of his change of heart. Thor touches Loki like he's something precious, but he also knows how to be rough when Loki needs it.

And then there are those mornings when Loki pulls himself out of bed and goes into the kitchen to see Thor there, making them breakfast. Thor always looks up and smiles at him, his face and hair shining in the morning light. These are the moments where everything just slots into place and Loki deeply feels the overwhelming _rightness_ of it all. His brother belongs there in the sunlight and his brother belongs here, in their home with Loki. 

But despite whatever feelings Loki may harbor toward Thor in his more saccharine moments, what Loki feels the most right now is just plain annoyance. Thor seems to pick up on it because he's staring back at Loki with an amused expression on his face. Although the title of God of Mischief belongs to Loki, Thor certainly does enjoy getting Loki riled up as well.

Loki frowns at his brother and looks down at the floor. He half expects to see Kisa rubbing against his legs and meowing at him, but the cat has been dead for a couple years now. He tells himself that she was only a cat and that he doesn't miss her and yet when he moves around the house he is still struck by her absence. As silly and sentimental as it is, she was his companion when he had nothing and no one. Thor has suggested that they get another pet, but Loki always declines. And besides, Thor is so much like a giant pup sometimes and he's more than enough for Loki to handle.

Thor moves closer until he's crowding Loki's space again. He leans back against the counter next to Loki, and wraps an arm loosely around Loki's shoulder. Thor gives him a (mostly) chaste kiss on the lips and then their eyes meet.

"Loki," Thor says, "you know how much I love you, do you not?"

"I... yes," Loki says, hating the vulnerable lilt in his voice. It's one thing to hear Thor say it, but for Loki to be able to accept it and know it to be true still unsettles him.

"And that is the reason I have asked you," Thor says as he smooths Loki's hair back with his free hand. "I only wish to be closer to you. I wish to see... to see our love be recognized by those whom we cherish." 

And that right there is the crux of the problem. Thor wants to get married. And Loki... Loki's not sure how he feels about it. 

Loki crosses his arms and tries to scrunch his face into a scowl, although it's dangerously close to being a pout. "Ever since you went to Jane's wedding, marriage is all you can think of. You're being completely ridiculous."

Loki had been invited to the wedding too, but there is still a level of mutual hostility between him and Thor's mortal friends. But just because he didn't formally attend the wedding, that didn't stop him from going anyway, hiding silent and invisible during the ceremony. It was a nice enough ceremony for a mortal wedding and everyone had seemed very happy for Jane and her groom. The man was a doctor of some kind, an old flame with whom she had rekindled after many years. Although Loki knows that Thor's dalliance with Jane is long since over, watching the wedding gave Loki a sense of relief to see that she had truly moved on and was no longer a threat. Even though Loki has grown to have a respect for her intellect, that doesn't mean he would hesitate to destroy her if she ever tried to get her clutches on Thor again. But things are better this way and in the end, they have turned out much better than Loki could have hoped. Truly, the only downside to the wedding is that it has given Thor _ideas_ , which was never a good thing. 

"I can't believe that you actually want to get _married_ ," Loki scoffs. "And yes, I have helped you and your little mortals at times, but that does not mean that Midgard thinks kindly of me. Would you truly parade me out for all to see?" Loki has taken to occasionally helping out S.H.I.E.L.D and the Avengers with their cases. He's not a team member (and he shudders at the thought of it), but more of an... independent contractor, or a consultant on the mystical arts. As much as he likes to complain to Thor that the work is beneath him, Loki actually finds it interesting, and if it helps maintain the delicate truce between them all, then all the better.

"I don't care what others think," Thor says indignantly. "I would marry you in front of all the world if you so desired."

"Oh yes, I can see it now," Loki says mockingly. "It will be all flowers, sunshine, and rainbows. Oh, and everyone will be dressed up in garish colors, getting all teary-eyed and making a big deal out of everything and for what. Because you _love_ me?"

" _Yes_ ," Thor says with an exasperated sigh, as if _Loki_ were the foolish one here. "That is the point, Loki. And that is why I do not believe you when you tell me it's all pointless."

"Well, it's..." Loki says, trailing off as his brain searches for a clever comeback. He hates moments like this, when Thor's unabashed sincerity has the capacity to leave Loki speechless.

"It's... it doesn't matter," Loki spits out, falling back on his old standby. It's not one of his best retorts, but it will have to do. From the expression on Thor's face, Loki can that Thor isn't impressed either. Thor opens his mouth to speak but Loki cuts him off.

"Enough with this," Loki says angrily. "I've grown quite tired of having this conversation with you."

Loki turns and walks out of the kitchen, and that is the end of that.

***

  


Except that it's far, far from the end of it. 

Things come to a standstill because Thor leaves for a short trip to Asgard that following morning. Loki goes to the penthouse in New York and stays there while he stews and plots. For whatever reason, he does some of his best thinking here. Perhaps it's something about the sharp modern lines of the space that allow him to tap into a certain level of cold calculation. It might also be the fact that Loki has never taken Thor here, that it is a space that's wholly and truly his. Thor is aware that Loki has other residences that he keeps secret, but he seems to recognize that sometimes Loki needs his space. Since he's in New York, Loki considers playing a trick on the Avengers but truth be told, it's nowhere near as fun without Thor around. The way Thor says Loki's name when he realizes he's been tricked again has such a nice ring to it. 

When Thor returns, Loki goes back to the villa and even though only three days have passed, they roll around on the floor and fuck like they haven't seen each other in years. No matter how badly they may fight, their desire for each other has not diminished in the slightest, and has only seemed to sharpen over the years. Though they do have big arguments at times, Loki finds that he enjoys the little ones for the make-up sex alone, and that both of them have been known to get each other riled up on purpose for that very reason.

When they finally come up for air, Loki fully expects Thor to start droning on about marriage again, but Thor says nothing. Instead, for the next couple of days he walks around with a sly smile on his face when he thinks Loki isn't looking. It's a smile that Loki recognizes very well because he's seen it so often when looking in the mirror. Thor is clearly hiding something from him and Loki wants to know what it is. It feels almost like a game to him, a juicy little riddle to solve. Loki intends to have some fun with it and draw the information out of Thor slowly, but it all comes to a head before he can enact any of his plans.

"Mother wants to come visit us," Thor says one morning as they're sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

The words are unexpected and it takes a moment for them to register in Loki's mind. "She does?" he says, looking over at Thor.

In the time since Loki and Thor have reconciled, no one from Asgard has visited them as a couple. Well, Sif did once and the three of them had what was probably the most painfully tense dinner that Loki has ever experienced. Needless to say, Thor has not tried to get Loki to interact with her since. The Warriors Three have also come to Midgard but Thor and the Avengers had entertained them in New York and Loki hadn't been obligated to deal with them. It would not be terribly strange if _they_ were the ones coming to Midgard to visit.

But Frigga? Loki cannot even remember the last time she stepped foot on Midgard at all. She seems so integral to the fabric of Asgard that it's hard to imagine her anywhere else, even though she has traveled for diplomatic purposes before. The thought of seeing her fills Loki with both hope and dread. In truth, it isn't so much the fear of seeing _her_ , but rather of her seeing _him_.

If she sees him again, will she still truly look upon him with affection? Loki hates the precarious nature of it all. The name Odinson was stricken from Loki as a punishment, and though he despises the name he still feels unmoored without it. Loki feels nothing but anger and bitterness toward Odin, but with Frigga it's different, it has _always_ been different. And although Thor tells him that Frigga still considers Loki her son and she always will, Loki cannot let go of his doubts.

Sometimes Frigga sends him letters through Thor, but Loki doesn't answer them. He can't. It's just... too much. But on some lazy afternoons, he shares stories and memories of her with Thor. He always notices the way Thor stares at him as Loki speaks, as if he's cataloging every gesture and every word. Loki knows that Thor must be sharing these stories with Frigga when he sees her again, but Loki doesn't mind. He can't make himself respond to the letters, but he can give her this.

Loki thinks of her often, wonders how she's doing and how young Balder fares. From what Thor has told him, the boy is strong and good-hearted like his older brother. He is loved by all of Asgard and called Balder the Bright. Loki swallows down his bitter jealousy at the fact that Frigga has another son, one that Asgard has accepted as readily as they accepted Thor. There are not many people whom Loki can say he truly loves, and when he _does_ love, his instinct is to keep that person close lest he have to share their affections with someone else. The boy already has the love of the people, so why should he have Frigga's love as well? Loki understands that this a childish line of thought, but it is ingrained in him and will not let him go so easily. Thor seems to have taken to the boy easily, but Thor has so much love to give and Loki's heart is still a black, shriveled thing that's being given new life, but at a very slow pace.

"Why?" Loki asks, pulling himself out of his reverie and returning to the conversation at hand. "You see her often enough."

Thor puts down his fork and reaches across the table to take Loki's hand in his. "Yes," he says, "but she misses _you_."

Loki feels his heart clench as he looks away, but he doesn't let go of Thor's hand. He knows that she misses him, at least on some level. Her letters have said so, and Thor has told him so as well. But it feels different now, it feels _real_. 

"But she's the Queen," Loki says in protest, "if she comes down here the Midgardians will surely insist on some kind of diplomatic welcoming or political talks. She can't just-"

"Mother can do whatever she wants, and she wants to come visit us."

"But... but what of Balder then?"

"What of him?" Thor says with a shrug. "He is young yet, but he is old enough to be without Mother for a day. He will be fine."

"I..." Loki pauses, searching for some reason why this won't work, but nothing seems to come to mind. "Well, fine. Yes then. She can come."

"Wonderful!" Thor says, squeezing Loki's hand before letting it go. "She will arrive in two days time. I will go to the Bifrost site to meet her and bring her here." Though he and Thor may come and go as they please, they do not often allow visitors here and those that do come must be escorted in. Loki's wards keep this house safe and protected, and Loki would like to keep it that way.

"Two days?" Loki says, feeling himself start to panic. "That's barely any time at all, Thor! What were you thinking? Can she not come another time?"

Thor lets out a snort of laughter and stares incredulously at Loki from across the breakfast table. "Do _you_ want to be the one to tell her that she must delay her visit?"

Loki shudders. "No. Absolutely not."

***

  


The midday summer sun streaks through the windows as Loki paces around the kitchen full of nervous energy, tidying up things that have already been tidied. He opens the fridge for what seems like the millionth time, making sure that the venison and other ingredients for the evening meal are still there. There's nothing he can do now except wait.

Thor has gone to the Bifrost site to greet Frigga. They'll be back any moment now, and then Loki will see her for the first time in nearly 20 years.

Loki looks down at his clothing, taking in the casual elegance of his black suit and green silk shirt. He'd debated back and forth about donning Asgardian wear for the occasion, but that isn't his life anymore. _This_ is his life now, Loki dressed in fine Midgardian clothing and standing in the kitchen of the home he shares with Thor. As much as he can't help but want Frigga's approval to some degree, Loki spent centuries trying to force himself to be the Asgardian ideal and he is done with it.

Loki is staring out the window onto the backyard absently when he hears the front door open and the sound of light footsteps approaching. 

"Loki," a voice says, one that Loki would recognize anywhere. Loki's body tenses and his throat goes dry. He braces himself and then turns around to face her. 

Frigga looks as radiant as ever in a light, golden dress with bronze embellishments around the neckline, and her hair curled into ringlets that are artfully piled on top of her head. The leather strap of Thor's enchanted bag hanging over her shoulder is the only thing that looks slightly out of place. Her eyes are wide and brimmed with unshed tears as she stands there smiling at him. Loki feels a torrent of memories flooding him and he has to swallow hard around the lump in his throat. The angry part of himself wants to lash out at her, to call her Frigga with every ounce of venom that he has. To make a mockery of the word and let it land like a blow the way it does when says Odin's name or when he called Thor "brother" during the years they were still enemies. But in the end, there is only one thing he can say.

"Mother."

"Oh Loki, _my son_ ," she says, smiling brightly at him and crossing the room to pull him into a crushing hug. Although she looks feminine and elegant in her gown, Frigga is an Asgardian goddess and her strength should not be underestimated. Thor did not inherit his strength from Odin alone.

"Let me look at you," she says, stepping back but keeping her hands on Loki's shoulders like an anchor. She looks him over and then lets go of him, nodding slightly in approval. "The last time that I saw you, you were in chains," she says. "I find this suits you far better, my son."

In that moment, Loki is filled with so many warring emotions that he doesn't know what to do with his expression. He takes a step back toward the kitchen counter, putting a little distance between them. Frigga moves forward and places Thor's bag on the counter with a graceful ease, and then reaches inside to pull out a few items: a loaf of fresh bread, several little strawberry tarts from Asgard's kitchens, and two bottles of Loki's favorite wine. Now that the initial shock of seeing his mother is over, Loki gazes down at the bag and wonders where its owner has gone off to.

"Where is Thor?"

"Oh, I sent him away. I told him I needed svássberries for seasoning the venison and that he had best find me some." Svássberries were quite similar to the juniper berries found on Midgard, except that they were a bit sweeter and had a richer depth of flavor.

Loki raises an eyebrow. "You are aware that there are no svássberries on Midgard." 

"Of course," she says with a sly smile, "but I wished to spend some time with you alone, and I know Thor would only linger around and fret if he were here."

Loki returns her smile and lets out a little huff of laughter. He has missed his mother's cleverness and cunning. When he was young, Loki often felt like he had little in common with Thor and Odin, but with Frigga this was never the case.

"He does have a way of doing that, doesn't he?" Loki says, remembering how concerned Thor had seemed that morning when they were getting prepared.

"It's only because he cares. Though he may not always be right, his heart is always in the right place." 

"Knowing Thor, he'll somehow find some svássberries anyway," Loki says.

"It would not surprise me in the least," she says. Her eyes are filled with laughter, but there's a brief hint of something sharper before it quickly disappears.

"How was your journey?" Loki asks as he puts the tarts in the fridge.

"It was fine," she says. "though I had forgotten how jarring it can be at first when traveling by the Bifrost."

Loki nods, thinking about how long it's been since he too travelled by those means. "But no less jarring than flying with Thor, I assume," he says.

Frigga shakes her head and smiles. "No. But I must say, your brother is far more gentle and controlled in using Mjolnir to fly, at least in my presence."

"I can see that," Loki says, gesturing to her. "Not a hair out of place."

"That is likely more my doing than Thor's. I _am_ a Goddess after all," she says archly.

 _By the Norns_ , Loki thinks, _I've missed you_ so much.

But he doesn't tell her so. Instead he places a hand on her shoulder and says, "Come, I will give you the tour."

He shows her around the kitchen, and then on into the living room. When Loki lived here alone, the living room was mostly bare except for the furniture, but now there are many framed pictures on the walls and the mantle of the fireplace. Thor had learned that it was a Midgardian custom to have photos of loved ones all around ones home, a custom he had insisted on adopting. It had all started when Stark insisted that Thor needed a hobby ("you know, besides bashing things with your hammer and sleeping with your brother") and had given Thor a camera as a gift. To Thor's delight (and Loki's annoyance), Thor had found that he quite enjoyed taking pictures.

Over time, the bare walls became filled with photographs of all different sizes. There were many of Loki (usually scowling), and others of Thor and the Avengers, and a few of Thor with the Warriors Three from one of their past visits to Midgard. That's all it had been at first, until Thor finally learned how to work the auto-timer on the camera. Most of the photographs now are of Loki and Thor together. Though Loki finds the whole thing to be a bit plebeian, if it makes Thor feel like this house is his space too, then Loki supposes he will have to endure it.

Frigga smiles affectionately as she gazes at a picture of Loki and Thor in the kitchen from a few years ago. In it, Thor is kissing Loki on the cheek and Loki's expression is one of pleasant surprise. 

"I quite like this one," Frigga says and Loki just nods because he doesn't know what to say. Sometimes he hates this photograph because he doesn't like having his vulnerable moments preserved, but there's also something about it that draws him in. Because this is what Thor does to him. He catches Loki off guard in these little moments of honest emotion and no matter how much Loki may push back, he knows that he's better for it. They both are.

Loki takes Frigga into the bedroom and she pauses when she sees the quilt she made for him years ago spread out on the massive, four-poster bed.

"I'm happy that you kept it," she says, running her fingers lightly across the fabric.

"I would never part with such a fine gift," Loki says, trying to hide the discomfort in his voice as he ushers her on to the next room.

They wander through the rest of the ground floor and Loki shows her one of the guest bedrooms and the armory. The armory is a newer addition, one Loki created as a space for Thor. All manner of weapons line the walls and there's a sparring ring in the center of the room. Thor and Loki use the sparring ring fairly regularly, but the fighting usually turns into something else entirely. Loki is of course careful to leave that bit of information out of the tour. From there, Frigga and Loki go upstairs so that Loki can show her the second floor. 

"This is most impressive, Loki," Frigga says as she looks around the library, "before long your collection will rival that of Asgard's great library."

"Thank you," Loki says, feeling pleased before tamping down on the emotion and hating himself for still caring about her approval. They chat idly about magic when he takes her into his workshop and even though Loki still feels unsettled, it's amazing just how easy it is to slip back into a rapport with her. All those years of distance between them feel both immense yet also like nothing at all.

"Why don't you go sit out in the garden?" Loki says, once the tour is over and they've returned to the kitchen. "I'll make us some tea and bring it out shortly."

"That sounds lovely," she says with a warm smile, "it is such a beautiful day after all." She turns to leave, but then pauses to look back at him.

"And perhaps afterwards you can show me around your garden. I am quite curious to see what kinds of plants you've been growing," she says with a pointed look, and then she's opening the sliding glass door and stepping outside.

"Damn," Loki says softly. She knows about the trees. Of _course_ she knows, she's not a fool. Loki sighs and goes about preparing their tea, pacing back and forth across the hardwood floor as he waits for the water to boil. She knows, and she will not just let it lie there unspoken between them. She will have an _opinion_ and Loki blanches at the thought of what it might be.

 _Well_ , he thinks, _it cannot be helped._

He turns off the burner and pours the hot water into a ceramic teapot and then places it onto a tray along with two teacups and a bowl of sugar cubes. He walks outside, sets the tray down on the patio table, and then pours them each a cup of tea before taking a seat across from her.

Loki stares down at his tea apprehensively. Now that the tour is over and they are sitting quietly together, the reality that he's speaking to his mother for the first time in twenty years hits him again and he feels himself at a loss as to what to say or do. He considers going back inside for the tarts just so he can get up and move, but he thinks better of it. If there's no dessert later, Thor will complain and Loki will never hear the end of it.

"Thank you," Loki says after he takes a sip of tea. "For coming. And for bringing the tarts."

"I know how you enjoy them," she says. "It seems that all of my sons do. I had the kitchen staff save one for Balder as well."

Loki feels cold chill of resentment settle into his bones at hearing the boy's name. "And how is young Balder?" Loki asks, and from the expression on her face he was not as successful in keeping the bitterness from his tone as he had hoped.

"He is well," she says, a tender smile on her face at the mention of her youngest son. "He's such a kind boy, and very good with animals. Everywhere he goes they seem to take a liking to him, he's always sneaking off to the woods or the stables."

Loki rolls his eyes at this. He can practically picture the little whelp, surrounded by woodland animals as if something out of a stupid Midgardian cartoon film.

"Loki," Frigga says in a chiding tone.

"What?" Loki says, with an air of innocence that doesn't fool Frigga in the slightest.

"Each of my sons has a special place in heart. To speak kindly of one does not diminish my love for the others," she says, her tone pointed but not unkind. Loki swallows and looks away.

"I do hope that you and Balder will get the chance to meet each other someday. He's quite a creative boy," she says fondly. "That's something that he has in common with you. Last month, he began learning to play the lute from a traveling bard."

"Yes, so you said in your last letter," Loki says, and their eyes meet from across the table. Though Frigga seems pleased at the acknowledgement that he actually does read her letters, she doesn't push.

They continue to chat idly as they sip their tea. Frigga talks about the latest goings-on in Asgard and Loki tells her about his life with Thor. He tells her about the last case he helped S.H.I.E.L.D with, the little improvements he and Thor have made to the house, and the places they've travelled together recently. They are mundane things that she's likely already heard from Thor, but she listens raptly to his words as if she's just happy to hear to the sound of his voice. But while they talk, all Loki can think about are the things they _aren't_ saying. It's so nice to just be in her presence again that it almost seems like a crime to shatter this idyllic moment. But then again, Loki is no stranger to playing the villain.

"Odin knows you're here," Loki says. Even though Loki knows his wards keep this place safe, just the thought of Odin out there trying to keep tabs on him is deeply upsetting.

"He does," Frigga says simply. "I came through the Bifrost and all comings and goings through that route are known to him. You know this, Loki."

"Are you spying for him?" Loki says in a demanding tone, leaning forward to glare at her.

"My reasons for coming here are my own. I am here as a mother, not as a queen." Her expression looks wounded and Loki already regrets his accusation. For whatever faults Frigga may have, she is not like Odin. She has always been much better at straddling the line between monarch and parent. 

"And no matter what you may think," she says gently, "Odin would not ask me to spy on you. Your father still loves you, Loki. He still cares for you dearly."

"Odin is _not_ my father," Loki says, his voice sharp and brittle. "And if he cares so much, then why did he strike his name from me? It is because his gambit failed and I am no longer useful to him. Far better for him to simply cut his losses."

"No, Loki," she says imploringly. "It is because the people demanded some kind of retribution for your actions. We all knew you would not return to Asgard for a trial and even if you did, your brother would not allow any harm to come to you. Another solution had to be found."

Though Loki is skeptical of Odin's motives in disowning Loki, he understands her meaning and he has thought about this before. If the people cannot have his blood, then they can at least content themselves with his removal from the succession and the royal family. Loki is sure that even this likely left the people unsatisfied, especially in light of the nature of Loki's relationship with Thor. 

"And what of Thor then?" Loki says. "Don't tell me that Odin possibly approves of our relationship."

Frigga pauses for a long moment. "I've have had more time to get used to the idea than he has, but he will come around. In many ways, he already has."

Loki laughs coldly. "I'm sure he has," he says, voice laced with sarcasm and contempt. "I'm sure the people of Asgard will come around too, once they tire of gossiping about the Jotun whore who corrupted their golden prince."

"Loki, you should not speak of yourself that way," she chastises him.

"Do you deny they say these things?"

Frigga looks away. "Some do," she says with a pained expression, "but others also see how happy Thor is now. They see the change in him since you came back into his life. It has been years since we've seen him so at peace, and your hand in this cannot be denied."

"I love him," Loki says simply, and it's funny how difficult it is for him to say it to Thor, but how easily it comes out when he tells Frigga now.

"I know you do, and he loves you too," Frigga says, and she reaches out and takes his hand in hers. There are so many things that Loki wants to say to her, but he doesn't know how, not anymore. Thor has other friends, people he can go to if he needs to discuss his relationship with Loki. Loki has no one. Even in Asgard he had few close bonds, and he always found it difficult to confide others. Frigga was one of the few exceptions and now that she's here, Loki wonders how he managed to go twenty years without her. After a few moments, she pulls her hand away and they finish their tea in silence.

"Shall we look at the garden now?" Loki says. If it cannot be avoided, he may as well get it over with. Frigga nods at him and they both stand. They link arms as they quietly stroll around past the rose bushes, the red poppies, and the olive trees. It reminds Loki of times long past when they walked through Frigga's gardens in Asgard. Frigga stops them when they get to the apple trees and Loki can't say he's terribly surprised. His body stiffens and he feels his internal defenses rising. They both stare at the trees in silence, looking at the remaining two still standing tall and the little stump where the third one used to be before Loki cut it down a few years ago. 

Loki remembers that morning very clearly. The previous night, he had picked a fight with Thor over something stupid. It wasn't that he was truly upset with Thor, or that things were going badly between them, but rather the opposite. Things were going well, _too_ well. It made Loki feel suspicious and unsettled, as if something had to give. Loki couldn't shake the feeling that there was still something terribly wrong with him, a darkness always itching and clawing at him beneath the surface. And so he'd fought with Thor and even though he'd felt sick inside the entire time, he couldn't stop himself. Thor had stormed off, leaving Loki both hurt and yet oddly vindicated.

Loki had gone outside then, sitting under the apple trees in darkness, buried under the weight of his own twisted thoughts. His mind raced onward, telling him that this was the end. That Thor wasn't coming back and that he had finally given up on Loki and abandoned him, just as Loki had always known he would. Loki must have fallen asleep because the next thing he remembers is Thor picking him up, clutching Loki close to his chest. Thor had carried Loki to bed then, his strides measured and easy as if Loki weighed nothing, as if he wasn't a burden at all. In bed, Thor had arranged them until his was laying on his back with Loki tucked close to him, his head resting on Thor's chest.

"You came back," Loki had said.

Thor had kissed him softly then and said, "Loki. I will _always_ come back."

In the morning before Thor woke, Loki slipped away to the armory and took an axe. Then he had strode into the garden with purpose and chopped one of the trees down in one fell swoop. Loki has always been a liar and a cheater, never the kind of person who would care much about fair play. But he was so full of love for Thor in that moment that he felt one good turn deserved another. Loki had raised the axe again toward the other trees, but he found that he just... couldn't. He still isn't sure which is a bigger sign of weakness: the desire to cut the trees down or the desire to leave them as they are. 

That morning, Loki had made breakfast and they ate it outside on the patio. Loki said nothing about the missing tree, but he remembers the change in Thor's expression when he noticed that it was gone. Though Thor never said a word about it, the smile on his face that morning had said multitudes.

"Ah," Frigga says, running her fingers over one of the ripe apples, "so here they are then."

Loki feels himself tensing up again, now that his thoughts have been forced back to the here and now. "Yes," he says. There's no sense in trying to deny it now.

"Amazing. This is quite a feat," Frigga says, and Loki feels a bit of pride as he watches her marveling at the fruit. She looks down at the stump of the third tree thoughtfully. "But you cut this one down."

Loki nods. There's unspoken question in her words but since she doesn't come out and ask, Loki doesn't supply an answer. It's unlikely that she needs him to say why he cut it down in so many words. If Thor can understand it, then surely Frigga can too. No matter how difficult these conversations may be, Loki finds that it's a relief to be able to talk to her again. He looks at her and he is once again struck by the fact that he has no confidant save Thor. And though Loki still feels reluctant, he's finds that he's unwilling to let this opportunity pass him by.

"Thor wants to get married."

"Yes, I could tell. When he mentioned the Lady Jane's wedding the last time he visited, I could sense it. I am the Goddess of Marriage after all."

"Is this why you've come then," Loki says defensively, "to convince me to marry Thor? To drag us both back to Asgard?"

"No," she says, "I've come to see my son, to see what kind of man he's become in my absence."

"And what do you see then?"

"I see... I see my Loki. I thought you were lost," she says, eyes growing damp and voice tight with emotion, "and here you are. Happy and loved, and learning to love again." She looks out into the distance and pauses for a long moment, as if considering her words carefully. "But I also see that you still look for the worst, and that you seek to run away when you fear revealing too much of yourself," she says, with a pointed look at the trees.

"You think I'll leave him," Loki says in an accusatory tone.

"No, you think he'll leave _you_."

Loki gives a sharp intake of breath at her words, at finally hearing someone else voice the overwhelming fear that Loki has been carrying inside him. Loki sighs and he feels a terrible sense of resignation and despair overcome him.

"How can he not? This existence, this life," Loki says, gesturing around them, "it's all just borrowed time."

"And why do you say that?"

"You _know_ why," Loki says with a broken laugh. "We cannot stay here forever. Thor is the Crown Prince of Asgard and one day he will take his place on the throne."

"He will not abandon you, Loki."

"How can you know that?" Loki says, his expression pinched with anger.

"How can you see the love in his eyes and think he would ever desert you?" Frigga raises a hand to touch his face, but Loki flinches away and she sighs. "You spend so much time thinking about what you have to lose, that you are blind to what you may gain. What do you gain by keeping Thor at arms length? Don't let yourself be ruled by your fear."

"I never said that I was afraid," he spits out.

"You didn't have to."

Loki clenches his fists. "I won't be trapped again, Mother. Not by anyone. _Ever_ ," he says, because Loki remembers the way it was in Asgard, the crushing, inescapable weight of the placed expectations upon him. He remembers the way he'd felt suffocated in the darkness of Thor's shadow and he's not eager to relive those times.

Frigga looks at him, her eyes wide with sorrow. "Having your heart's desire is a gift, not a trap."

Loki turns away from her and crosses his arms, hating how easily her words can cut through to the core of him. "What then, will I be Queen of Asgard?" he says flippantly.

"You will be Thor's husband, and he will be yours. Everything else will fall into place."

"Oh, everything will fall into place will it?" Loki says, his voice rising as he glares at her defiantly. "Is that what you thought when Odin brought me to Asgard?"

"Loki-"

" _Answer me._ "

Frigga sighs. "Your father and I-"

"He is _not_ my father," Loki says, his voice a low growl of anger and frustration. It seems that no matter how many times he says these words, no one ever takes them seriously.

"I know you think Odin cruel and heartless but he brought you to Asgard out of kindness. I will never forget the moment when he placed you in my arms for the first time," she says, gazing at him wistfully. "I looked into your eyes then and I knew that you were and would always be my son." 

Neither of them speaks for a long moment until Frigga's voice breaks the silence. "And I know that I did you a disservice in keeping your heritage a secret from you. We should have told you. We should have told the _both_ of you."

"Mother, you knew. You _knew_ about my... my feelings for Thor, and yet you said nothing," Loki says, hating how raw his voice sounds. 

"Loki," she says, reaching out to him and then sighing in defeat when he turns his face away again. "I knew that you and Thor were destined to be connected to each other, that your lives would be inextricably linked. I thought... I thought that a sibling bond would be sufficient. But I was wrong, and we have all paid dearly for that mistake."

Frigga places her hands firmly on Loki's shoulders, forcing him to meet her gaze. "But we cannot undo the past, Loki, no matter how much we may wish to. We can only move forward. We can choose to learn from our mistakes, or be doomed to repeat them. For you and Thor... what happens now is up to the both of you."

"And that is how I keep him with me then, by marrying him?" Loki says bitterly, shrugging her away.

She shakes her head. "You misunderstand me, Loki. This isn't about Thor, it's about _you_. Thor has many reasons for wanting this marriage and I'm well aware of them. I know it would make him very happy and it would assuage his fears about losing you. But you do not have to marry Thor to make him stay with you."

Loki starts to speak but he finds that Frigga still has the ability to silence him with a look. "Thor will stay whether you marry him or not. But this doesn't mean you need deny yourself what you truly want. My Loki," she says, shaking her head and smiling at him tenderly, "why must you always struggle so and make your path more difficult than it need be? Why must you always seek to stand in the way of your own happiness?"

Loki flinches, as if she's struck him. Ever since Thor first proposed to Loki, Loki has turned his focus to reasons why they can't get married, reasons why it's foolish or pointless. He's twisted himself into knots, all to avoid the simple truth. He _wants_ to marry Thor. He wants Thor so badly that it terrifies him, and the only thing that scares Loki more than the depth of his love is the fear of Thor leaving him and destroying him in the process.

Even though he has lived with Thor for nearly seven years now, there are still parts of himself that Loki holds back, ways that he keeps Thor from getting too close to him. After Loki learned the truth about his parentage and fell from the Bifrost out into the void, nothing has truly felt permanent to him. Whether it is out of self-preservation or self-destruction, there is a part of Loki that runs away from attachments and believes that they aren't worth it in the end. But the truth is, it's far too late for that. Loki is already attached to this life he now shares with Thor. The matter of the throne is one they will have to face someday, whether they like it or not. Loki has a choice to make now: he can keep trying to push Thor away or he can face the future head on, secure in his place in Thor's life.

Frigga steps forward until she's standing before him and taking his face in her hands. "Just... please think about what I have said. I love you, Loki and I only wish for your happiness. That is all I've ever wanted." She pulls him into her arms and though Loki doesn't return her embrace, he doesn't push her away either. All he can do is stand still and allow himself whatever measure of her simple comfort that he feels capable of accepting. He swallows hard and his throat burns with unspoken words and suppressed emotions.

"Thor will be back soon," Frigga says after several quiet moments. She pulls away and looks up at him. "We should go back inside. I would like to reinforce the protective spells on your quilt and it will be far easier to get that done without Thor underfoot," she says, and the tension between them breaks a little as they both laugh and Loki leads her back inside. They go into Thor and Loki's bedroom and gaze down at the quilt that is spread across the bed.

"This is unnecessary," Loki says with a sigh of annoyance. "I am a sorcerer, Mother. I'm more than capable of doing this myself."

"I know that you are," she says, reaching up to stroke his cheek, "but I'm still your Mother and I worry for you. Let me do this."

"Fine," Loki says with a sigh. He knows when he's lost and he hasn't the will to argue with her over this. 

He watches her work, running her fingers over the fabric and drawing little runes on its surface. With each gesture, the runes glow bright for a moment and then fade away, as if the magic is seeping into the very fabric itself, bonding with it and making it stronger than before. He has always found it interesting to see how different her seidr is from his. Although he is the stronger sorcerer, Loki's own magic has always tended to focus on manipulation and illusion. Frigga's comes from a different place. It feels more solid somehow, with a weight and a depth that's strong like the roots of Yggdrasil itself. As she works, she speaks to him, recounting old memories of he and Thor when they were young. 

"I remember when Thor had to take on a quest alone to prove himself worthy of Mjolnir. I'll never forget how much you missed him when he was gone. How you worried for him without you there to help him."

"It was foolishness," Loki grumbles, rolling his eyes.

Frigga pauses and gives him a sharp look. "It was love, as it always has been and always will be," she says and then turns back to her task once more. After a few minutes, she stops and stares down at the fabric thoughtfully.

"Ah," she says, with a slow smile spreading across her face, "I almost forgot the most important part."

Loki recognizes the runes her fingers are tracing onto the fabric now because he has seen her do this many times before, although usually on bridal veils. She is the only person Loki has ever seen who was capable of working magic with them because as the Goddess of Marriage, they belong to her and her alone. These runes are a high blessing, a blessing for a happy marriage.

"Just in case," she says with a knowing smile.

***

  


When Thor comes back, he does indeed have a bag of svássberries with him, and Loki eyes them suspiciously as Thor sets them down on the kitchen counter. Another piece slots into place and Loki thinks he understands what's going on here, and he finds himself taking great pleasure at the thought of exposing it. He and Thor will have words later but for now, Loki has other things on his mind. Thor is still dressed in his armor and sweaty from whatever he's been up to in his absence, which is hardly suitable for dinner. 

"Mother," Thor says nodding and smiling at Frigga.

"Thor," she says, smiling back.

"Loki," Thor says affectionately, moving in to kiss him on the cheek.

"Get away," Loki growls, pushing at Thor even though in truth he likes Thor like this and were Frigga not here, Loki would have enjoyed stripping Thor down and licking the sweat from his skin. "You'll not get your sweaty paws on me."

Undeterred, Thor takes Loki's hand in his and kisses it, which earns him a scowl and a light smack in the face. Frigga puts her hand over her lips, hiding her laughter as she watches the exchange.

"You wound me, Loki," Thor says in a teasing voice.

"Not as much as I will if you don't hurry up," he says, shooing Thor towards the bedroom to get cleaned up and changed. "And don't leave your things all over the floor!" Loki yells at Thor's retreating figure, and he can hear Thor's laughter in response before he shuts the bedroom door. When Thor returns, he is dressed in Midgardian clothes, dark slacks and a dark blue dress shirt that brings out the color of his eyes.

Loki takes off his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves, and then the three of them get to work. They gather in the kitchen and begin preparing the meal, a simple, venison stew that is eaten often in Asgard. Loki and Frigga chop the herbs and vegetables with quick, nimble fingers while Thor tends to the stove, adding more ingredients to sauté as they're ready. On Asgard, they usually had people to do this _for_ them, but Loki finds that he rather enjoys the opportunity to engage in this simple activity. As the Royal Family, so much of their lives were public and on display. The privacy afforded in these present moments is new, but not unwelcome.

With all of the other ingredients in the pot, Thor adds in some broth and then opens one of the bottles of red wine that Frigga brought, adding some of that to the mixture as well. Thor sets the oven timer, and then they go to the living room to finish the wine and give the stew some time to cook. 

"Did you enjoy your day together?" Thor asks before taking a sip of his wine. 

"We did," Frigga says, and though she's answering Thor's question, she's staring at Loki. "It was lovely to spend time together, here in your home."

"Yes, well..." Loki says, looking away. It's hard enough for him to even decipher what effect the day has had on him, and he doesn't want to dwell on it now, not when he has the opportunity to expose Thor's little plans.

"And what of you, Thor?" Loki asks in a casual tone that is really anything but. "Wheresoever did you find svássberries on Midgard? I wasn't aware that they grew anywhere but Asgard."

Thor briefly glances at Frigga in confusion before he catches himself and looks away, seeming deeply uncomfortable. His expression quickly changes into a smile, the one that seems forced and slightly too wide, the one that always gives Thor away when he's lying. "I... in a forest of course," Thor says.

Frigga says nothing but she looks both curious and slightly amused, as if she's content to sit back and let the conversation go where it may. 

"How... convenient," Loki says. Some of Frigga's amusement has seemed to catch on with Loki, as he finds himself thoroughly enjoying watching Thor squirm. The timer for the stew goes off and Thor lets out a sigh of relief, standing up quickly.

"Ah yes, it's time for dinner," Thor says and he rushes back to the kitchen.

"What kind of game do you play, Mother?" Loki asks Frigga as they both rise. Frigga doesn't answer. She only smiles cagily at Loki and then kisses him on the cheek before following Thor into the kitchen.

***

  


Thor fills their bowls with stew while Loki slices the bread and then they all sit down at the table. As they eat, Loki catches Frigga looking between the two of them and smiling. It's been years since Loki has seen her, but Loki realizes now that it's been even longer since she's seen the two of them happy in each others' presence. So many things have changed in the past years, but when Frigga chastises Thor for talking with his mouth full, Loki hides a smirk as he realizes that some things will never change. 

"We should have a toast," Thor says, when the meal is nearly done. 

"If you insist," Loki grumbles, but he allows himself a small smile as he pours them all more wine. 

"I do insist," Thor says, and Frigga shakes her head and smiles at them both. Thor raises his glass in the air and Loki and Frigga follow his lead. Thor gazes back and forth between the two of them and he looks so happy that Loki is struck by the feeling that he would give anything for an eternity of Thor looking at him that way.

"Well?" Loki says with a pointed glare at Thor. "What are we toasting to?"

"To family," Thor says simply, as if it were so obvious that he's surprised it even needed to be said.

"To family," Frigga chimes in.

"To... to family," Loki says. They clink glasses and the sound reverberates through the room like a chime signaling the beginning of something new. After his fall from the Bifrost, Loki thought that "family" was nothing more than a lie, or a luxury that he could no longer afford. But sitting here now, it seems that perhaps it isn't lost to him after all. When the meal is done, they take the strawberry tarts out of the fridge so they can eat dessert out on the patio, but Thor stops them in their tracks. 

"Wait," Thor says, and Loki groans as he sees Thor pull his camera from one of the drawers. "Oh come now, Loki," Thor says, "let me have my fun."

Loki sighs. "Very well then."

"What is this contraption?" Frigga asks, looking at Thor curiously.

"It's a camera," Thor says as he turns the camera on and adjusts the settings. The little device looks ridiculous in Thor's big hands, but he has come to be quite adept with it. "The Midgardians use them to capture images, like those on our living room walls."

"And now you wish to what? Take a family portrait?" Loki says mockingly.

"Yes," Thor says with the kind of self-satisfied grin that always gets under Loki's skin. Frigga seems intrigued by the prospect and Thor knows that this will keep Loki from protesting too hard.

"You'll pay for this," Loki mouths silently from over Frigga's shoulder while he glares at Thor. Thor doesn't seem fazed at all, the cocky grin still on his face as if to say "do your worst." Loki crosses his arms and silently fumes, his mind already turning over the possibilities for revenge.

"It's ready," Thor says as he sets the camera down on the kitchen counter and he runs over to Frigga and Loki. He quickly arranges them so that Loki is standing in the middle.

"Now, Mother," Thor says quickly, "all you must do is gaze at the camera and smile. In a few moments a bright light will flash and the image will be captured."

"Very well, Thor," she says good-naturedly.

"Smile, brother," Thor whispers into Loki's ear and then he turns his face forward again just in time for the flash to go off. Before Loki can even blink the stars out of his eyes, Thor is bounding over to the camera and excitedly picking it up. He presses a few buttons and then pauses, staring down intently.

"Ah, very good," Thor says, a wide smile breaking over his face. "Mother, would you like to see?"

"Yes," she says and crosses the room to stand next to Thor. She smiles too when she sees the photo. "It _is_ quite nice," she says, "and much faster than sitting for a portrait."

"Would you like to see, Loki?" Thor asks, but Loki can only deal with so much cloying sentiment at once and Thor is severely pushing his limits.

"No," Loki says, moving back to the counter and picking up a tray of tarts. "We've wasted enough time with your foolishness as it is," he grumbles. "Are you satisfied now?"

Thor grins. "Yes."

"Idiot."

" _Boys_ ," Frigga says, and both Thor and Loki look a bit chastised.

They finally go out onto the patio to eat their dessert. The sweet taste of strawberries makes Loki recall the summer festivals of his youth as they eat and watch the vestiges of the sunset on the horizon. 

Frigga sighs. "I should be getting back to Asgard," she says. There is a heavy moment of silence between them until Thor speaks.

"Well," Thor says, standing up to pick up their dishes, "I should go inside and get started on cleaning up."

"You had better," Loki says. Thor chuckles and then turns to head back inside. Loki watches him fondly, saying a silent thanks to Thor for understanding that both Loki and Frigga need this goodbye to be a private one.

"I see that Thor is not as oblivious as you might claim," Frigga says in a teasing voice.

"Sometimes I wish he was."

Frigga's gaze falls heavily upon him. "Do you?" she asks, with a raised eyebrow.

Loki looks out at the garden thoughtfully. "No, not really."

"I didn't think so."

"He's changed," Loki says, after a beat.

"For the better," Frigga says, "as have you."

"And this life, it's..."

"Good?" Frigga supplies. "Happy?"

"Yes."

"You sound surprised," she says.

"I am," he says wryly, "believe me I am."

"You shouldn't be. After all, you've never lacked for imagination. I'm just happy to see you put it towards good use," she says, and Loki can't help but feel shaken by her simple belief in him.

"Come now," Frigga says as she stands up gracefully, "I would like to walk through your garden one last time."

They walk side by side for awhile in companionable silence, two shadows in the soft glow of twilight. It's only when they've reached the apple trees that she turns to face him again.

"It was so good to see you, my son," she says, clasping his hands in her own. These are the same hands that held him as a child, that soothed him when he was injured, that offered him simple comfort when he was chained down in a dungeon cell. Though they cannot wield Mjolnir, they carry their own quiet strength.

"And you as well, Mother."

"I'll visit again soon."

"I... I would like that," Loki says.

"You could also visit me."

"Mother-"

"When you're ready. Think on what I said."

She embraces him and Loki hugs her in return. Her arms are solid and firm around him and her hair smells faintly of apples. She pulls back and holds his face in her hands, her eyes bright and filled with love.

"I'm so happy for you. For both of you."

 _So am I_ , Loki thinks, but he remains silent as he lets her kiss him on the cheek before she pulls away completely.

"I should go find your brother now," she says as she turns to walk away, and Loki nods. Loki stands there in silence for a few minutes, and when he finally walks back to the patio, Thor and Frigga are already there. Thor has his arm firmly around her waist and Mjolnir in his other hand. 

"I will be back soon," Thor says.

"Goodbye Loki," Frigga says, and then they are gone, a bright streak in the night sky. It's hardly a mode of transportation befitting the Queen of Asgard, but she seems to enjoy it. After all, she was something of a shieldmaiden in her day, and who knows what adventures she might have had that Loki knows nothing about. Perhaps one day he'll ask her.

Loki goes back inside and takes stock of the kitchen. Thor actually did manage to get most of the dishes in the dishwasher, but there are a few stragglers that Loki goes about putting away. He takes a dish towel and starts wiping down the counters when his eyes glance over Thor's camera. Against Loki's better judgement, he picks it up and turns it on. He knows he'll see the picture eventually because Thor will surely frame this one for the wall, but for some reason he wants to look at it now, quietly and privately.

Loki laughs softly as he looks down at the image. Frigga's smile is kind and gracious. Thor is beaming, his blue eyes bright with unfettered happiness. And Loki... Loki wears a half-smile and looks exasperated yet fond. Loki keeps staring at the image, unable to look away because it's just so perfectly... _them_. These people. His family.

Loki turns the camera off and wanders back outside, lost in his thoughts. He cannot say he's truly surprised to find himself standing in front of the apple trees again. He sits down in the grass, idly running his fingers over the stump of the former tree and his thoughts turn to Thor. Although Thor seems to understand why Loki couldn't bring himself to cut down all of the trees, sometimes Loki catches him gazing at the remaining two with a great sadness in his eyes. Thor has always carried himself with such confidence that sometimes it's easy to forget that Loki is not the only one with deep-seated insecurities. Loki chuckles softly to himself and shakes his head. They are so strange, the pair of them. Just as Loki needs the reassurance of having an out, Thor needs some sign of reassurance that Loki means to stay. 

_Why must you always seek to stand in the way of your own happiness?_ Frigga's words keep echoing in his head, ringing and reverberating until they cannot be ignored.

 _Why indeed?_ Loki thinks, and then he stands up and walks back inside with a sense of resolve in his step. 

***

  


That night after Frigga has gone, they get ready for bed. Loki puts on a pair of black silk pajamas and Thor wears a pair of the Midgardian flannel pajama pants he's come to favor. They slip under the covers and lay down side by side, Thor's chest pressed against Loki's back. Thor's wraps his arms around Loki to pull him closer, pressing a kiss to the space behind Loki's ear. A part of Loki still thinks it's terribly undignified to allow Thor to hold him like this, but Loki only sighs and leans back further into Thor's warmth. There's no sense in worrying about it now. And besides, he has told Thor not to tell anyone that Loki is the little spoon upon pain of death.

Although it would be so easy to just fall asleep now all wrapped up in Thor, Loki is not ready for sleep yet. Not until he's had some questions answered. Loki reaches back and lightly runs his fingers through Thor's hair. Thor hums and moves into the touch. He continues stroking slowly, until Thor is utterly calm and relaxed. It's then that Loki strikes.

"I know about your little plan, Thor," Loki says, and he feels Thor's body stiffen. Loki allows himself a gleefully wicked grin in the dark. Thor is so easy, he has so many tells. Loki thinks that he shouldn't be able to get so much pleasure out of something that's hardly a challenge of all, and yet he always does. He feels he'll never grow tired of playing with Thor. 

"I... what plan?" Thor says.

"Oh, don't play dumb, Thor." Thor remains silent and so Loki presses on. "I'm talking, of course, about your plan to get Mother to convince me to marry you."

"Oh. That plan."

Loki laughs softly. "Yes, _that_ plan. It must have been Mother's idea," he says. "You're too much of an idiot to have come up with it on your own."

"It was... a joint venture."

"Of _course_ ," Loki says, rolling his eyes. "Did you have the svássberries the whole time?"

Thor chuckles, seeming to have relaxed now that the truth is out. "Yes, Mother brought them with her from Asgard. She gave them to me, and then once I had brought her here she instructed me to make myself scarce and return in a few hours."

"And for once, you did as you were told."

Thor laughs again. "I do not have a death wish, Loki. And I trust Mother's judgement in these matters."

Loki strokes his chin thoughtfully. "So why bother with all of this subterfuge then? Despite your ignorance on the subject, _I_ know that svássberries do not grow on Midgard, and Mother was well aware of this. For you to return with them would obviously make me suspicious."

"I'm afraid that is my fault," Thor says. "I made her promise not to tell you that I had asked her to come. I thought you would be angry."

"I would have been," Loki says, and it's true. He would have raged at Thor for it, but instead he just finds himself rather amused by the ridiculousness of it all.

But throughout the day, not once did Frigga come out and tell him that Thor had asked her to visit. Loki shakes his head and laughs. "She kept her promise."

Thor pauses for a moment, and then lets out a laugh of his own. "Yes, I suppose she did then."

It's funny, how things have worked out. What could have festered into bitter anger has been diffused, and what could have created a rift between them has instead left them curled up in each other in bed and laughing like children. And all without Frigga breaking her promise to Thor.

 _Well played, Mother_ , Loki thinks.

"So what did you _actually_ do today then?" Loki asks.

"I sparred with Rogers," Thor says. Loki would ask Thor who won, but he can already tell from the slightly smug tone in Thor's voice what the answer is. Besides, Thor doesn't need an ego boost about his battle prowess. 

"You seemed glad to see her," Thor says after a few moments of silence. "It was good... the three of us together again. I'm glad that she came."

Loki is glad too, but that doesn't dampen the sharp spike of bitterness that shoots through him at Thor's words. Because despite everything, there's still one lingering thought, one fear that Loki just can't shake. 

"She only came because you asked."

"No, Loki," Thor says gently, "she came because she loves you and she misses you. And I asked only because I knew you would not."

Loki swallows hard, searching for some way to deflect and steer the conversation into safer territory. "Maybe so, but you cannot deny you had ulterior motives in bringing her here, getting her to talk to me about _marriage_ of all things."

"Perhaps," Thor says, the rumble of his laughter vibrating pleasantly through Loki's skin.

"You think yourself clever now, don't you Thor? I suppose I should applaud you for concocting a plan with more than one motive," he says sarcastically.

"My actions today had only one motive, and you know what it is. It is my love for you that always guides me."

Loki feels relieved they're having this conversation in the dark so that Thor can't see the expression on his face at these words. There are still so many moments like this between them, when Loki is forced to recognize just how lost he feels. It seems like it's so easy for Thor to just say things like this out loud, but Loki still doesn't know how to do this. He doesn't know how to be with Thor, except that he somehow keeps doing it. Loki knows he's a difficult person to love, but he doesn't know any other way to be. Sometimes he wonders if it's enough. Sometimes he wonders if he's really worth the trouble. 

"Why do you want to marry me so badly anyway?"

"Because I want you to know that I am here to stay, that I will never leave you." The fact that Thor also needs to know that _Loki_ won't leave hangs there unsaid, but Loki hears it nonetheless.

"But I would not force you into anything you don't want. If you truly wish for me to stop asking you, I will," Thor says. He sounds so dejected that Loki is tempted to put him out of his misery, but he can't resist making Thor suffer just a little bit longer. So what if Thor ended up being right about getting married in the end? He still deserves payback for how annoying he's been about the whole thing.

Loki doesn't speak and Thor sighs, taking his silence as an answer. Thor pulls Loki a little closer and Loki can feel the warm exhale of Thor's breath against his neck as his breathing begins to slow. Loki feels his own body relax and his limbs grow heavy as sleep begins to take him as well. And then, in the stillness before they both fall asleep, Loki whispers one word. 

"Yes." 

Thor's body tightens and then he pulls away and rolls Loki onto his back so that he can look down at him in the moonlight.

"Truly?" Thor asks.

"Yes," Loki says again, his lips curving up into a true smile. But Loki isn't saying yes just for Thor. He's also doing it for himself. 

Because even though he's spent the last month avoiding admitting it to himself, this is what he wants. There's no one else he'd rather be with, and nowhere else he'd rather be. When he pined for Thor in their youth, the idea of them getting married was not one he ever seriously entertained. It seemed impossible, and too dangerous to even dream of. But sometimes, in the dead of night, he couldn't stop his thoughts from turning in that direction. He couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to possess Thor in that way, for them to bound together so that no one could tear them apart. He never dreamed he would get to find out what it would be like, but by some strange twist of fate, now he finally can.

Loki can barely make out Thor's face in the dark, but he knows the look of joy he would find there if he could. When Loki reaches up to stroke Thor's cheek, his fingers shake just slightly, but he manages not to dwell on it or chastise himself for being weak. Happiness still feels strange to Loki. He wears it like an ill-fitting suit, but it fits Thor like a second-skin and that will have to be enough for now.

Thor starts kissing Loki's neck, and Loki loves the roughness of Thor's beard against his skin. Thor then rolls on top of Loki, sitting up and straddling him as he runs his fingers up and down Loki's silk-clad chest.

"Don't you dare rip these, Thor," Loki hisses, because he knows _exactly_ what Thor is thinking. 

"Fine," Thor says, grumbling as moves his fingers to undo the buttons. When it's unbuttoned, Thor helps Loki out of the top and then leans down and presses his body against Loki's, bare chest to bare chest. He kisses Loki hard and Loki matches him in eagerness. Thor's hands feel so good all over Loki's body and when he bites Loki's neck, Loki gasps as sparks of pleasure shoot through him.

"You're still completely ridiculous though," Loki mutters and Thor's laughter echoes through the room as he presses kisses into Loki skin.

Loki wonders what kind of wedding they'll have. Perhaps a small one here at the villa with only a handful of people. Or perhaps a lavish spectacle where Loki could take pleasure in rubbing it in everybody's faces, letting them know that Thor is his. A fine bit of fun that would be, to have a wedding truly befitting of the consort of the Crown Prince of Asgard. Even so, Loki knows that it won't all be fun and games. As always, his mind turns and races down darker paths and he wonders how Odin will react and what the consequences might be. But Thor always seems to know when Loki has gone too far into his own mind and takes Loki's cock into his firm grip, stroking him and pulling him back into the present moment. And then Loki can't think of anything except Thor as they make love until the sun comes up.


End file.
